I am almost three weeks into my fifth year of teaching! It is hard for me to believe that I have been in the classroom for that long, and even harder to believe that I actually survived my first few years. Thinking back and looking back on some of my journals from that time period, I think the first year or two of teaching may have actually been a sort of living hell for me. Nothing like how I feel about the job now.
That last week of summer leading up to my first day as a teacher was racked with fear. I think I might have slept an hour or so a night, and when I did finally sleep I often had nightmares of the first day of school. And that last Sunday, I felt like I was going to sick up and had swallowed a ball of dry ice.
Compare that with how I felt this last week of summer. It's not that there was a total lack of nerves, because there wasn't. Rather I felt anticipation and focus. Not fear. I knew what to expect and I knew what I had to do in order to be successful this year. I still have dreams about going back to school (they typically start in late July) but no longer do they cause me to wake up in a cold sweat wondering how I was going to survive the year and what the HELL had I gotten myself into.
Looking back, I can say that last year was the year that I finally realized that I was going to be in the Education business for the long haul and that this was where I needed to be. Before that point, I was always looking for something else. Something that didn't have the stress and dread that teaching had meant before. I was associating fear with a desire to do a different job. ANY job.
Now I buying into education for the long haul. I know this is where I am going to spend my career and I am honestly excited and happy about that. This next Spring semester I will begin my Master's in Education Administration and will hopefully be moving on to the next stage of my professional career. Onward and upward.
No longer do I feel that I am simply keeping my head above water. The first three years were really all about survival. Just making it to four o'clock (I never knew a 45 minute class could last so long) without having my students start a riot and hoping and praying that they somehow learned something during the course of the instructional period.
For the past two years though, school days fly by and I KNOW that my students are learning and taking things away from my class.
If I could say anything to first, second or third year teachers, it's this:
Hang in there. Don't give up. Yes it is going to be a struggle. Yes you are going to want to quit. Don't. No you are not the only teacher who thinks they have made a horrible, horrible mistake. Soon you will reach your groove and teaching will no longer seem a Herculean task. Instead you will walk around with your head held high because you KNOW you are an educator and you KNOW you are making a difference. I can guarantee you that every teacher had stood where you stood, paralyzed with fear and indecision. You will survive. And if you continue to learn and push yourself, you will thrive.
